


I Wanna Hold Your Hand

by FormidablePassion



Series: SPN Kink Bingo 2016 [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: But it get's fixed, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Handholding, I promise, If You Squint - Freeform, Jealousy, M/M, MCD, Mentions of Sex, Not Canon Compliant, Possessive Behavior, Supernatural Kink Bingo 2016, Tumblr: spnkinkbingo, but still, or at least it ends happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 03:26:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8355190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FormidablePassion/pseuds/FormidablePassion
Summary: It wasn't something Dean thought he needed, until it was.    They didn't talk about it. They never did. In diners, sitting next to each other they would hold hands every chance they had.Driving, when Cas was up front.At night watching Netflix together.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for [spnkinkbingo](http://spnkinkbingo.tumblr.com/) square: Handholding  
> As always this work is unedited and unbeta'd.  
> Enjoy!

The first time that it happened was when Cas was human, before he was able to get his grace back. They were going after a Rougarou in Tennessee, Cas just wasn’t as fast without his mojo. It was one of the scariest things for Dean. Cas bleeding there on the floor nearly unconscious. 

Dean had lit that fucker up so fast he didn’t know what hit him.    
He ran to Cas’ side and took stock of his injuries. Nothing too serious, he and Sammy would have to patch him up though.   
“Cas, buddy come on, man. Wake up we have to get out of here.” He barely responded but he opened his eyes and stared at Dean. Those blue orbs piercing his heart.    
He helped Cas to the car but he refused to get in the back. So Dean had set him in the front and climbed in the driver side, gunning it down the road to get Cas to safety. 

He reached for Cas and shook his shoulder a little. He needed to know he was going to be okay. His external injuries may be easy to care for but he didn’t know if Cas could take a beating like that internally, he was human now. 

 

Dean was terrified. 

 

He ran his hand down Cas’ shoulder when Cas just stared at him again. His hand moving along his arm,  _ he was just checking for broken bones _ , he paused for less than a heartbeat before he weaved their fingers together. He needed this. He needed to feel Cas’ very real  _ human _ warmth against him somehow, he needed to ground himself in the moment, to know  _ without a doubt _ that Cas was here and was going to be alright. 

  
Before Dean could begin blaming and beating himself up inside the confines of his own mind Cas spoke.    
“It’s not your fault, Dean. I will be alright.” Dean looked over at Cas,  _ human _ Cas, this ex-angel of the lord. He was met with blue eyes that he could barely see in the dark of the night shrouding them. He saw something there. Something that he wasn’t ready to identify or admit it was mirrored in his own eyes.    
He cleared his throat and looked back to the road. 

“Yeah, alright.” He gave the hand a little squeeze and smiled on the inside when it was returned.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The next time it happened was when Cas was still on borrowed grace. Dean was hurt this time. He was foolish to think he needed to protect Cas. As soon as it happened Cas was there, smiting the creature. The next instant he was at Dean’s side. Dean held up a hand before Cas was able to do his two finger healing touch. 

 

“Nah, Cas. Not this time. You need to be careful with what mojo you’ve got. I know smiting that guy took a lot out of you.” 

 

When Dean tried to get up he groaned and clutched at his ribs. Cas helped him up and to the Impala. Dean reluctantly handed over the keys when Cas held the passenger door open for him.

Shortly after they began driving Cas had let his right hand rest between them, palm up, an invitation. One Dean was only slightly hesitant to accept. Until he remembered the way he needed the contact with Cas when the then ex-angel was injured. Cas may need it too. He may need to know that Dean was going to be alright. 

 

Dean kept his eyes on the passing scenery as he quietly slipped his hand into Cas’. He felt the fingers curl around his and Cas’ thumb gently rub circles into his skin as they drove. He resolutely ignored the roll of his stomach at that tiny gesture and what his reaction could mean. 

 

* * *

  
  


There was a hunt gone wrong. This time it was Sam. Dean sat at the edge of his uncomfortable motel bed watching his brother’s chest rise and fall as he laid in the other one, the one furthest from the door. 

He wasn’t sure how long he had been awake, just watching his brother. Waiting. He wasn’t sure that Sam was going to wake up, but he needed to make sure that he saw him breathing. He wasn’t going to let Sammy die. 

 

“Come on, Cas.” He mumbled it quietly into the dim light of the room. He never asked Cas if he could still hear prayers, but he sure as hell hoped that he could hear this one. He had called him hours ago. He knew that the angel was on his way. 

 

Long moments passed,  Dean’s body growing more tense with each breath that his brother took, his eyes growing more tired as he watched Sam’s chest expand and contract. 

Finally there was a soft knock on the door. He jumped holding his gun at the ready, looking out the small peep hole in the door, lowering the weapon when he saw the familiar trench coat and dark messy hair.

He opened the door and was flooded with all the emotions that he had been shoving deep inside while he waited. As soon as the door was closed he let out a broken “Cas…” and gestured over to Sam. 

 

“Of course, Dean.” Nothing more needed to be said. 

 

It was like time stood still for Dean. The scant seconds that passed seemed longer than the hours he spent waiting on the bed watching. Cas moved across the room to the other bed and touched Sam’s head. He stood there for a moment like that. Dean held his breath. Finally, Cas turned and closed the short distance between them with a few steps. 

 

Dean was still too anxious, too worried about his baby brother to care that Cas was so close in his personal space. When he spoke, it was low, for Dean’s ears only, “She did a number on him. He will be alright, Dean. I healed him the best I could and made sure that he will sleep until his body can finish healing itself.” 

 

“How long, Cas?” Dean didn’t want to look away from his brother but he met the blue eyes, confident, steady, warm.

“I’m not sure, Dean. A day, maybe two.” his voice was full of regret, that he couldn’t do more, that he let Sam down, let Dean down. “I apologize, Dean.” 

“Can we take him home?” His voice broke on the word. Because they have that. A home.   
“Not until you get some rest.” The angel put his hand on Dean’s arm. Dean felt it like the fires of hell as the warmth of his touch spread through his body. 

 

Cas moved him to the bed and cut off his protests before they could be formed. “Dean, you are no good to Sam if you don’t get any rest. I will watch over him, I will watch over both of you.”  _ I will watch over you. _

Dean couldn’t argue. And not for the first time Dean felt like Cas could read him better than he could read himself. 

 

“Can I sit here with you?” Under other circumstances Dean may have protested. He just nodded and laid on the bed without another word. Cas settled in next to him, leaning against the headboard with his face turned, watching Sam diligently. Silently Cas offered up his hand, sensing that Dean needed the comfort, he understood. Dean not only took it without a second thought but he hesitantly curled up to the angel’s soft warmth. Cas let him sleep like that for half a day. Never moving, never letting go of Dean. 

If Cas held him a little closer in the early hours of dawn when Dean was in his deepest sleep, well, maybe Dean didn’t know, but he could sense it, his dreams were that much sweeter. 

 

* * *

  
  


It happened again after Dean and Cas had come back from a successful hunt. They went out to a dive bar to celebrate and maybe hustle some some guys at pool. 

It was right after he had won a couple hundred from two dude bros that he saw it. 

 

There towards the back of the dark bar Cas was talking to someone. She was an attractive blonde and he was smiling and laughing at whatever she had said.

He tried to ignore the feeling that coiled around his heart and dropped like a stone into his stomach. He suddenly felt the need to leave. Not thinking about it, he finished his drink and walked over to his angel.  _ To Cas. _

 

“Hey, we need to go.” he didn’t even spare the woman a glance, making sure that she knew she was being dismissed. 

“Of course, Dean. Is everything alright?” Cas’ voice was thick with worry making guilt start to seep into Dean’s bones. Before he could let it he just grabbed Cas’ hand, lacing their fingers together, pulling him away and out the door. 

 

“Dean, what’s wrong? Is Sam alright?” He could sense the panic under Cas’ calm facade as he spoke. Instead of answering he pulled Cas along quickly to their hotel, never letting go of his hand. As soon as he got the door open he pulled Cas in and slammed the door closed, shoving Cas hard his back slamming against the door with a satisfying thunk. 

 

“Dean-” 

“You wanna know what’s  _ wrong _ Cas? I’ll tell you what’s  _ wrong _ .” Cas waited, ever patient. Never dropping Dean’s hand as he spoke, his anger simmering just below the surface. 

When Dean realized that Cas was still holding his hand he slammed it above his head pressing it into the door and crowded into his space. Their faces only a breath apart, he could feel the warmth of each breath Cas took, smell the beer and whiskey. 

 

“That  _ woman _ was what was wrong, Cas. There shouldn’t be…” He couldn’t finish that thought.

“Dean.” That one word, his name, held so much. A question, a warning, a declaration, a plea. It broke him. 

“Were you going to-” Dean’s heart clenched in pain at the very thought of saying the words.

 

“Was I going to what, Dean?” Cas was so calm and it broke Dean’s resolve.

“It should be  _ me, _ Cas. You’re  _ mine. _ ” That was when he held Cas’ hand tight and kissed him for the first time, claiming his lips, finally discovering the feel and taste of them..    
  


Cas catches on quickly, returning the kiss squeezing Dean’s hand where they are still joined above their heads as he moved his other hand around Dean’s waist. Everything grew heated quickly, the years of emotions and tension finally bursting free. 

They ended up on the bed, Cas holding his hands above his head as they moved against each other, thrusting with an almost frantic energy filling the room. 

Right before Cas coxed his orgasm out of him, Dean tightened his fingers around Cas’ hand thinking  _ This is always where this was going. _

 

Dean couldn’t have been happier about that fact either. 

 

* * *

 

They didn't talk about it. They never did. In diners, sitting next to each other they would hold hands every chance they had.

Driving, when Cas was up front.

At night watching Netflix together. 

Laying in bed. Because that is a thing that happened every night since the night Dean lost it at the bar.

Cas was usually very careful not to upset Dean with unwanted attention from women, or men, when they went out. 

 

There were times that Dean believed Cas opened himself to the attention of others. He knew Dean had a jealous streak and enjoyed when Dean would get possessive. It was rare when it would happen but when it did they were always holding hands when they reached their orgasms. 

What Dean loved the most was when he discovered that his angel was just as possessive, if not more, than he was. 

 

It happened one night winding down at the local pub in town, their interviews were uninformative and they needed to find another lead on the case. Dean had went to the restroom, when he didn't come back in a timely manner Cas had followed. 

Dean was standing next to a shorter man, salt and pepper hair, decent build, and his body language was all wrong. It instantly put Cas on alert. He walked up near them and spoke.

 

“Is there a problem?” Dean visibly shivered at the deep tone Cas’ already gravelly voice took. 

 

“No problem. You can leave us be.” The man barely spared Cas a glance over his shoulder. 

 

“So, what do you say?” He asked Dean when he turned back.

 

“He's not interested.” Cas growled at the man. 

 

“I think he can speak for himself.” 

 

“I said he is not interested. Now leave.” This made the man turn around. 

 

The tone of authority Cas had taken glued Dean to the spot, unable to speak, just watch as his Angel took over the situation.

 

“You got a problem?” The man was rude in addressing Cas.

 

“Yes. You.” The man glared and pulled his hand back as if to punch, Cas.

Cas simply lifted his fingers to his forehead and the older man slumped to the floor. 

 

“Dean. We should leave.”

 

Dean looked up from where the man lay unconscious and nodded. Cas laced their fingers together and pulled Dean all the way back to the hotel.

 

That night the Angel fucked him hard into the mattress never letting go of his hands, leaving marks all over Dean, claiming him, making sure the world knew who Dean Winchester belonged to. 

 

* * *

 

Years passed. They eventually got out of the life. No. Stopped actively hunting. They settled in the Men of Letters bunker and used it as the information base it deserved to be. 

When Eileen came around again, Sam courted her in a way that made Dean smile. She eventually moved there with them. While they didn't hunt anymore, they set up a system for hunters. Just like Bobby had. But better. Ellien was quite a clever one and created a secure database that only hunters who knew about and could access. 

 

Life was good. Time passed. 

 

As Dean grew older he enjoyed holding Cas’ hand more everyday but didn't like looking at their laced fingers. His hands showed age spots and wrinkles, his knuckles growing thick with arthritis skin thinning with age. It never stood out more than when holding Cas hand. He may be almost as old as time itself, but his vessel never aged.

 

Cas never cared. He still held Dean’s hand every night while he slept in Cas’ arms. Never once leaving his side.

 

* * *

  
  


The last time it happened Dean had went to lie down for a nap. He moved slower his body weighed down with age and the damage a lifetime of hunting gifted him. Sam and Eileen had moved out decades before claiming they needed a place to raise their kids away from hunting. 

 

Some new younger hunters had moved into the bunker after a long vetting process by all four of them. They ran the everyday operations for the hunting community now.

Cas laid with him, holding him, fingers laced together as Dean drifted into sleep. 

Moments later Cas tightened his grip on the man he loved, he rolled him over onto his back only to confirm what he felt in his heart. 

 

Dean had stopped breathing. Something deep and painful erupted in his chest. A loss, a longing. 

That night with the moon and stars as witness Sam, Eileen, and Cas stood around a pyre that held Dean’s body.  They all stood there until the flames died, the coals no longer glowed, and the ashes were cold. 

Cas turned to Sam and his wife, hugging them tight. 

He nodded at them.

They both smiled at Cas softly, grief and loss radiating from them both, they knew it wasn't goodbye forever, just for now. 

They watched Cas as he walked off into the darkness.

 

* * *

  
  
  


Dean sat behind the wheel of Baby and stared at his hands. He didn't know how much time had passed while he stared. He tried to figure out what happened to the wrinkles and age spots. He supposed he shouldn't care or waste his thoughts on it. 

He knew where he was. He also knew the feeling in his chest was suppose to be one of peace and contentment, not of loss and longing. 

He continued to stare at his hands. It was all wrong. He knew it was. 

 

That is when the passenger door opened. A familiar trench coat flapped in the wind as the dark haired man slid into the passenger seat next to him.

His heart filled with love and he smiled. 

 

“Hello, Dean.” blue eyes shined.

 

“Heya, Cas.” He put his hand on the seat between them palm up. 

 

His hand was filled immediately, long slender fingers laced with his. 

Peace and contentment filled him then.

 

“Where to?”

 

“Anywhere you desire, Dean.”


End file.
